I wonder what relationships would be like without the expectation of perfectionism.
Most of us say that we don’t expect our loved ones to be perfect, but only a few of us are telling the truth.
Online, like on Facebook, we are constantly praising our love ones….raising them up on a pedestal before our friends and family. And, others are also doing it.
I wonder what type of social implications this has?
A lot of people in relationships expect their loved one to be able to make them happy. In America, we are all happiness-orientated anyway, so this isn’t much of a surprise.
Sometimes, when our loved one fails to consistently make us happy, the relationship is severed, a divorce happens, and a family is broken.
we didn’t rely on our spouses to be perfect? What if we expected them to mess up, to make us exasperated, and to even become a little boring?
instead of having such high expectations for our partners, we had high expectations for ourselves?
Holding ourselves to a higher standard of loving and giving?
I think it was in the book, Eat, Pray, Love, where I read a response to the authors research. ( I hope I’m not wrong)
A primitive woman, living in modern times, in an old world village, said, “He’s JUST a man.”
He’s just a man.
Say that out loud. Think about it.
That man ( or woman) is just that. He or she is no supernatural being blessed with supernatural powers. He or she, as “perfect” as he or she is, is blessed with their own faults and imperfections.
When my husband did his last tour in Iraq, I missed him SO very much.
I missed his extremely annoying, very random, snoring. I missed his stupid shoes and clothes on the floor. I missed him interrupting my sentences.
All the above are things that drive me crazy. But when he was gone…I actully missed them. And when he came back, I let it go. Stopped arguing so much about his messiness.
Because, ultimately, I love him, and I want all of him. Imperfections included.
When Chris was in Iraq, he dodged death. Yes, this is true. He left his trailer in the middle of the night to walk to the latrine. He had to walk quite a bit to get to it. While he was gone, his trailer was hit by mortar file and his roommate was severly injured, and eventually medically discharged due to loss of his limbs.
I learned this after he returned, because he kept if from me while he was there.
Everytime I think about it…I get goose bumps.
Some of us say we have no regrets. I don’t believe you. Because if Chris died then, I would have so many regrets. I would regret my bossiness. My constant drive for perfection and cleanliness. I would regret all our petty arguements. And so much more.
Does your love one seem to let you down a lot? I am in no way referring to big things, like cheating, or lying constantly. I mean those little things that create huge arguements.
Let it go…Seriously. If your arguing because he’s a messy…well, stop wasting your breath. Because his clothes will never make it to the hamper, and his keys, cell phone and other random junk will never make it to their designated spot. Take a deep breath….and use your talent as the “clean one” to put it away. Treasure it…..cuz , my friends, we don’t live forever. You’ll miss picking up after him or her one day.
You WILL miss being able to care for your partner one day. Trust me.
He’s just a man.
maybe those older women, living in primitive villages, have got it right. No one is spotless. No one is perfect. We are all just ourselves.
My grandmother is leaving for Portland in 3 weeks. Because I love her, I am so happy and excited for this new journey. I’m excited and hopeful that my cousins will get to know the grandma that I know and had the blessing of growing up with.
But I’m also plagued with regrets. For not calling enough the past 4 years. For not visiting nearly enough.
I’m so disappointed in the granddaughter I’ve been.
And, so, my grandmother will leave this tiny little town and find happiness far away, among a large bunch of family who loves her just as fiercly as we do here.
What a blessing. And now, I am honored and blessed to spend the next few weeks with her.
Why are grandmas so incredibly wise?
While helping my grandma separate her belongings, she said, ” This is all my junk. No one wants me to keep it. It doesn’t really mean much to you. But its mine. Its all my own junk.”
Some of the “junk” is little crafts made by her granddaughters. A birdhouse made by her late husband and my grandpa, Papa John. A picture of Papa John, and pictures of her family. Other little knick knacks. Her “junk.”
My grandma knows that her sentimental things only matter to her. And maybe, somehow thats just it.
My high expectations, really only matter to me. No one else in the entire world really cares about my high standards, not the way that I do. So instead of trying to keep it all,
Instead of trying to enforce every single standard that matters to me….I need to just pick a few.
We need to just pick a few. The special ones. The really important ones. The ones we absolutely need to live and love freely. We’ll pick through all our “junk” and keep only what is special and dear to us.
The rest….we’ll let it go.
disclaimer: I stole the use of pretties and pretty from my sister, Aurelia. Thanks sis. Also, this blog is just a reflection of my own insecurities and is in no way, intended to put down the people who love shopping, buying pretty things, and making themselves pretty, as I fall into all those categories as well. This is intended for people like me, who have to budget every single thing, who can barely scrape money into savings every paycheck, and who are letting, yes letting, our vanity, stand in the way of being our best person.
I’ve been blogging. alot.
The old fashioned way…yes, using a pen and paper! I suppose this is really called journaling
Anyhow, its been pretty awesome, because I don’t feel censored in any way. Plus, there’s just something about pen and paper that feels so much better than typing ( until my fingers get tired).
Here in Iowa…its still winter. Its depressing. I seriously miss the sun. To make things worse, all around me, in the stores are spring items. SPRING! Bright colorful shirts, fun flirty flowery dresses, scarves with sweet birds embroidered on them…etc.
Oh, how I long to wear spring! However…its really just too cold outside to even bother. That’s just part of the problem though. Because, even if it was warm outside, I wouldn’t be buying anything. With the loss we are taking on our house, I cannot justify spending absolutely anything on me, at all.
So tired ( yeah, baby girl has only slept through the night 4 times since she’s been born! AH!).
So at a loss at what do to with my hair.
I feel so out of style.
Everywhere, all around me, people are coming and going, and they look fantastic.
And then, here I am, feeling frumpy, not so pretty, and even…( dun, dun dun) insecure?
Wow, now that is a confession! I hate feeling insecure. Being insecure is dangerous, you know. It brings out the absolute worst in people. It forces you to isolate….creates a funk that is hard to get out of.
SO, this is NOT ok with me. I’m tired of feeling like a frumpy 3o year old housewife.
Seriously, isn’t there more to life than being obsessed with all the pretties and “I have to have this or that,?”
Deep down inside, we all know this. How do I change this…”frumpy attitude”, this “not satisfied with myself feeling”….this “I want to feel pretty sort of thing?”
I came to the conclusion that the only way to fight it would be to focus more on things that are really important than my own vanity issues. The things that I am already passionate about.
The things that matter more to me that a new outfit, timeless cardigan, or fabulous scarf.
Missions. Instead of taking money from our tax refund to give myself a prize, well…I tithed it all to missions.
Voices of the Martyrs. A mission very deep to my heart and one that is changing my entire view on Christianity, religion, and the love of Christ. Becoming even more involved with their organization.
Reading. Reading to learn.
To stop looking at the sites, stores, blogs, that do nothing but make me want to have all the things I cannot have.
The above are just some examples. But….its truly working.
Like you just can’t keep up with the world around you?
Like you can’t compare?
Like the old things you already have aren’t good enough?
Like your just not showing the pretty you all the time?
And remember, that the inner beauty of your heart is so much more important than your display. And being pretty is really only temporary. And, actually, its quite boring, after a while.
No one wants to read about someone else’s perfect life. Or watch a movie about another person’s perfect life. Its boring and may come across as condescending.
If you were to write a best selling book about your life, you would include more uglies than pretties. Otherwise, no one would want to read it, but most importantly, no one could relate to it!In fact, your pretty life, just became very ugly!
Will it be for your fashion style?
Your perfectly decorated home?
Your closet full of clothing and shoes?
The car you drive?
Yes, you get it, right? Well, if your perfectly ok with being known for only that, then more power to you!
However, I suspect otherwise. That most people, like me, want to be remembered for SOMETHING bigger.
I want people to remember things about me that can’t be summarized in words.
I want to be remembered for changing ( REALLY changing) a life, or two. Maybe even more.
I want to be remembered for my love for people.
I want to be remembered as a giver.
I want to be remembered for an inner beauty that far outweighs my outer self.
I want to be remembered as a person who is willing to sacrifice her life for others.
It starts now! Start now! Put away all your vices, your distractions, and stop focusing on your making you and your life pretty!
Write your own story. Wear your heart on your sleeve and be completely honest about your mistakes and past transgressions. Remove all the veils of fear, insecurity, and vanity. Give of yourself than to yourself. Serve your family. Love the human race.
Instead of buying beautiful things, DO beautiful things. And never worry about being beautiful. Because all the right people think you are, anyway!
Ah…the musings of the poor, the rich would say! True!
I would like to share some scripture. I always “got” it….but NOW, I REALLY get it.
“I’ll say it again–it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!” Matthew 19:24 NLT
Lastly, here is a favorite quote of mine that so wonderfully puts things in the RIGHT perspective. Quoted by Sabina Wurmbrand ( A christian lady, wife to Pastor Richard Wurmbrand, who was imprisoned, tortured, beaten, and sent to a hard labor camp, all for being Christian in a Communist country):
“Perhaps dear sisters, you know how we are the women, we always have the impression that we do not have enough clothes, and we absolutely need a new dress and we are ready to quarrel and to fight, “I need it, absolutely “. Perhaps, when your heart is so unhappy about your new dress, which you need, remember your sisters, in rags, hungry, beaten, put to shame by the Communists. Pray for them and praying for them thank God for all you have. And learning to thank God your heart will be blessed and will be happy and you will be a blessing to those around you. “